The Monday-est of Mondays

Scene: Monday morning. 7:20 AM. First day of camp and our summer schedule, which has us leaving about 45 minutes earlier than the school year. Includes me driving another kid to camp.
Internal monolog in italics.

  • [Up early, backpacks packed, kids eating breakfast. I go to load the car about 30 minutes before we leave.] “New schedule, I OWN YOU.”
  • “Hmmmm, my keys aren’t on the hook. Must be in my purse”
  • “Um, where is my purse? Not on the hook, did I leave it on the table?” “OMG DID IT GET STOLEN LAST NIGHT?!?!”
  • “Calm down, Kate. No one broke in to the house and took only your purse then locked up behind them. You last had it at the hardware store yesterday. Where is it? Let’s see… when you came home you went right into the garage to glaze windows….oh crap! It’s in the car!”
  • [Walking out to car, which is parked in driveway] “Please let it be there, oh please oh please.”  “YAY there is is!”
  • [Goes to open door] “CRAP! LOCKED!! NOOOOOO!”
  • “Ok ok, it has this nifty keyless entry button… maybe that will work” [tries both front doors] “SH*T”
  • [texts Mark to tell him I’m an idiot]
  • [texts mom of car pool kid to tell her I’m an idiot]
  • [calls police to ask if they can help – they can and they will be there “soon”]
  • [text Mark to say he doesn’t have to come home with his key after all]
  • [flurry of texts – girls will get to camp thanks to other kid’s dad who has the week off. whew!]
  • [25 minutes later the cops arrive] “Hooray! we’ll be out of here in a few seconds!”
  • [10 minutes pass]
  • Madman thinks it’s the coolest thing ever that a cop is outside and the squad car is in our driveway so he digs out his old police car toy

IMG_6386

  • Cop: “Ma’am, I can’t seem to get it unlocked. There’s an anti-theft bar blocking the tool. I’ve called for backup and a different tool”
  • [2 more cops arrive, they fuss with car] “This does NOT look promising” 
  • [Mark texts to say he’s coming home anyway because the A/C in his office is broken. He’s on the train already]
  • [car is still not open] “Sir, my husband is on his way home with the extra key. You can stop trying. Thanks so much for coming over to help” [cops leave]
  • [about 10 minutes pass] “I should go check to see if they damaged anything while they were trying to unlock it”
  • [sees a few small scratches. Tries door handle just for fun. IT OPENS. Car alarm blares] “WUT?!?! OMG IT’S OPEN” 
  • [flurry of texts to Mark. he’s almost home. dangit!]
  • [pick him up at train stop and drop him at home]
  • [take Madman to daycare, nearly get hit head-on by an F150 speeding the wrong way down Courtland Blvd] “Are you freaking KIDDING ME WITH THIS DAY RIGHT NOW?!”
  • [text from Mark. He forgot about a meeting downtown so he has to go back. I feel terrible] “OH COME ON, MONDAY!”
  • [realize I have a Starbucks gift card in my purse and if any day needs a venti iced double dirty chai it’s today]

IMG_6387

 

End Scene

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