A tiny 8 week old baby started daycare in MADs room this week.  A fragile little boy who still has the translucent skin of a newborn and whose little squawks and squeaks makes my ovaries ache.  And in an instant my heart broke for his parents and my hate of US family leave policies started taking form.  This country has things SO SCREWD UP.

6 weeks.  That is all that 52% of working moms get off with their newborn.  24% only get 4 weeks.  And for 10% of mothers this time, as short as it is, is totally unpaid.  The other 90% get anywhere from 40-100% of their pay via disability – a coverage that they pay into from every other paycheck they receive.  Apparently if you live in the states you want to work for Johnson & Johnson, “The Family Company” where new moms with five years of job nets 26 paid weeks of maternity leave. (Source: Institute for Women’s Policy Research & Working Mother Media, Inc.)

Studies abound about the benefits to all involved – including the company – that comes from extended periods of leave.  Time away from work within the first year back goes down drastically. Long-term (6 months +) breastfeeding increases when leave is longer. Worker productivity is higher upon return when leave is 12 weeks minimum. Heck, the US government’s Department of Health and Human Services has spent hundreds of millions of dollars on ad campaigns to convince moms to exclusively breastfeed for at least six months – money that might be better spent allowing new moms to be WITH their infant those first six months.

Now – before you start crowing about how it’s not fair for those who choose not to have kids for women to get this time off, let me finish.  I’m not just talking about maternity leave here.  I’m talking about FAMILY leave.  FMLA  = Family Medical Leave Act and it can be used for more then just birthin’ babies.

For instance, an acquaintance of ours in Toledo just passed away after battling brain cancer for years.  He and his wife were some of the loveliest people you would ever know and they were the kind of couple that upon meeting them you just know they were meant to be together.  They loved each other fiercely.  They had no children by choice. As you can imagine with brain tumors he underwent years of surgery, illness, good days and bad.  In the end his wife had to return to work the day after his funeral because she had used up all of her FMLA time caring for him in the year before he died. They were together 20 some years and she had no time to grieve his passing.

Another friend just moved to be near her 80-year-old father and become his primary caregiver. She’s in her 40s and is facing a few health issues herself, including an upcoming surgery.  She is worried that if something happens to her dad that requires her to take time off work she would put her job in jeopardy.  She’s single, childless by choice and is worried that if something were to happen that FMLA won’t be enough to protect her only source of income.

I have a feeling that as the Baby Boomers continue to age and start leaning on their adult children – the very people that make up the bulk of working America – that things might slowly change.  If the Boomers and their children start pushing for change that would make up a huge majority of voters who could leverage some action.  Which is sad, because most everyone says that family should come first but we don’t do anything to make sure that it really does.

When I walked out of the hospital with MAD I was 25 lbs lighter then when I got pregnant.  My body reacts to pregnancy in a different way then most women’s bodies do.  I don’t get crazy cravings.  Ice cream holds no appeal.  I forget to eat.  Sweets sound gross.  As a result, during both pregnancies my net has been a pretty good weight loss.

However, once the baby is out and nursing begins my sugar cravings go through the roof.  I can’t get enough sweets.  I don’t have to fight to get the baby weight off.  I have to fight to keep the nursing weight off.  Which is where I am right now.  Luckily during this time of year I can usually satisfy these cravings with fresh fruit.  Every night I have a big bowl of fresh, local berries and milk. But it’s so easy to make up a batch of homemade shortcake to go with the strawberries, or sprinkle my blueberries with sugar.

With M I exercised throughout my pregnancy.  I walked almost daily and took a weekly prenatal yoga class.  With MAD, I barely did anything.  A cardio class here and there.  A few dates with a treadmill and that was it.  I might have been down in weight but I was completely out of shape.

So a couple of weeks ago, when a neighborhood girl dropped off a flyer about her babysitting services I called her the next day.  After 2 days of me staying home while she was a “mother’s helper” for a few hours, I was confident MAD was ready for me to leave him in the sitter’s care.  The next day I looked at the class offerings at my gym and attended one.

Last week I went to five classes.  I went to Total Conditioning with Pauline and got my ass kicked several times over.  I tried a boxing class using weighted gloves.  A barbell strength class that should be renamed “do squats for an hour while lifting” was awesome.  And Zumba had me laughing at myself the entire hour (I am SO not a dancer!).  I feel great.  I’m sore and tired but it’s such a good feeling, one I haven’t had in awhile. The squats are getting easier.  I feel strong again.

This week it’s the same thing.  And I’ve already booked the sitter for next week, too.  Then I go back to work.

My gym only offers one late evening class a week (something I am really trying to get them to change).  I’m bummed because I love classes.  I love mixing it up and pushing through an hour of moves.  I challenge myself much more in a class then I would on my own.  I did burpees today!! I would NEVER do those on my own. But, I’m trying to come up with a plan to keep me motivated after I return to work.

I think I will start the C25k program which I can do outside or on our treadmill after the kids are in bed.  I’m going to try to make it to that Monday night class.  My office has yoga on Thursdays which I will start again. Maybe I’ll do the 30 Day Shred or Power 90 a couple of times a week.  Or head to the gym after the kids are in bet to use the weights.  I have to do something to keep the nursing weight off.

Now, if I can only kick this insane sugar craving. I’m reading about AndreAnna‘s journey with great interest. I know that’s the next step, but one I’m not quite ready to make.  Yet.

With my due date 10 weeks away, I’ve obviously been thinking a bit about labor and delivery.  Of all the things that can go wrong, the scary stuff, my hopes and our fears.  But I’m healthy, the baby is healthy, I’m having a good pregnancy and there is no reason to plan for any medical interventions.  They are there if necessary, but given my history with M there is little reason to believe I will need them.

So, yesterday I got a bit riled up when not one but 2 birth-related things surfaced on my interwebs.  The first was a link to this People Magazine article about Gisele Bundchen’s birth experience and the reaction was to lash out at her for being awful. I’m the first to admit it’s totally over the top to believe that she felt no pain.  But to assume she’s a liar-McLiarface because she had a low pain and easy birth experience? I just don’t understand.  I did much of my labor in the water with M and, as Mark can attest, while in the tub my pain level went way down.  It’s not much of a jump for me to see how a water birth would have been pretty low pain for Gisele. (Okay, okay I will call her a Liarface on her quote that says she does her own dishes – riiiight).

Then later in the day an old high school friend posed on Facebook asking other mothers about birthing classes. Within just a manner of minutes, there were a dozen comments all basically chanting “Forget the classes, get the epidural! Get it before your water breaks! All you need to know is E-P-I-D-U-R-A-L!”  So I posted the following:
“…And you don’t need an epidural, I opted to try without one (always having the option to get one if I wanted) and found I didn’t need/want it. Everyone’s different and you never know what you can handle until you’re there.”
And of course that was followed by a chorus of “you must be superwoman!” and “you’re a superstar for trying” and the like. Those comments, while said with good intentions drive me nuts because I just know that while they are saying it they are thinking “what a crunchy-granola-eating-hemp-wearing hippie freak”. I’m not a superwoman or a hippie – I’m just a woman who trusted the medical staff with whom I had worked with for 7 months and my own body to do what needed to be done and react to things as they happened, not before they happened.

Was my labor with M any less truthful or real or gritty because I was able to do it without any medication? Is it less meaningful because I didn’t have any intervention or last minute scares that I could share with everyone in the months after her birth? Why should I feel like I have to whisper that I enjoyed her birth and it really didn’t hurt all that much?

I went into having M with my eyes wide open and I know I was lucky in that it went so well.  I knew the risks and possibilities involved, but I also knew that it was an experience I had never had before so there was no medical reason for me to take measures to prevent something that we weren’t sure would even happen (i.e. intolerable pain). I don’t get up every morning and take a Tylenol “just in case” I get a headache later, why would I take medication in at the start of labor before I knew how bad the pain was?

Look, I totally understand that everyone has their own tolerance for pain and has their own medical history and assorted fears/issues they bring with them to a labor ward.  But I really and truly don’t understand the condescending backlash and accusations of being a liar against woman who admit that 1) labor wasn’t all that hard/painful for them or 2) was actually kind of wonderful and not at all as scary and harsh as they had anticipated? And yes, asserting that someone is a “superwoman” or saying “I could never do that” is condescending to all involved.  How do you know you could never do it until you tried?

Just so we are all clear I am far from an earth-mama hippie. Yes, I had a medication-free birth with M by choice/luck/effort/education and hope to do the same again.  I also have eaten sushi, soft cheese and had an occasional glass of wine while prego and sometimes let the TV babysit the girl.  Yes, we use cloth diapers, breastfeed, use non-toxic cleaning products and recycle.  But I will also drive to the grocery store 3 blocks away instead of walk if it’s cold or I’m tired. I also use probably highly toxic extra-strength deodorant, not a rock, and hate the smell of patchouli.